50 Questions to Change your Conversations

Since the quality of our questions largely determines the quality of our conversations, this issue focuses on questions to improve connection and understanding within our teams and relationships.

The buzzword most often associated with high-performing teams is chemistry. Chemistry is formed through connection, and at the heart of connection is communication. In the Read/Watch/Listen/Think format below you will find resources for questions to improve our conversations and elevate performance.

READ

50 Questions for Coaches

In the increasingly transactional world of sport, it’s becoming more difficult for coaches to stay aligned with transformational coaching practices. The pressure to perform, the expectations of players and parents, the myriad of experts weighing in on what’s best for an athlete’s development… it’s a lot! Effectively navigating the stress while optimizing performance requires strengthening connections - with our athletes, our leaders, our parents, our future team members, and with ourselves.

Since the quality of our questions largely determines the quality of our conversations, last week on Instagram I offered 50 questions that coaches can use to build better relationships, stronger connections, and deeper understanding.

My hope is that these questions generate new and different conversations to support individual and program success. May it be of benefit!

As you conclude your season, here are some questions you can use in your individual meetings to create connection and understanding.

1. If you could steal one skill from a teammate, what would it be and why?

2. If you had to write a thank-you note to one teammate for something they did this season, who would it be for, and what would you say?

3. During adversity, what was the most helpful thing someone said to you?

4. This season, when were you most disappointed because you were so close to an achievement?

5. What’s a tough moment from this season that you wouldn’t change because it made you/us better?

6. What is something you/we didn’t do this season that you wish you/we had?

7. What is an emotion that you experienced more often than you expected to this season?

8. This season, what’s one thing you learned about… yourself? Your coaches? This team?

9. Next season, in what area do we need greater accountability to continue to grow as a team?

10. How well did our coaching staff balance intensity with support, and how could we improve?

I believe that anyone who has the desire to lead can develop their leadership ability. Whether you have captains, a leadership council, or you’re simply looking to develop leadership within your program, here are a few questions to get you started.

1. How do I ensure my leadership remains strong even when my personal performance isn’t at it’s best?

2. How do I make my teammates feel like their contributions matter, regardless of their age or role on our team?

3. Among teammates, what silent behaviors am I allowing that might be hurting our team culture?

4. How can I build better relationships with teammates who I don’t know well or naturally connect with?

5. What expectations do I have of others (teammates/coaches) that I haven’t clearly expressed?

6. Do I hold my closest friends on the team accountable in the same way I do other teammates?

7. What beliefs am I holding onto that negatively impact my ability to lead?

8. What small habits am I modeling that my teammates might be picking up (good or bad)?

9. How do I handle being coached, and what message is that sending to my teammates?

10. How do I balance being a leader while still allowing myself to be led?

Potentially unpopular opinion: As coaches we are fully in an age where it benefits us to be intentional about partnering with parents* (please substitute caregivers, guardians, or family members as appropriate). Here are questions you can ask to better understand your athletes and gain critical insight to level-set expectations and support success.

1. When you think about the best coach they’ve ever had, what qualities did you appreciate about that coach?

2. From your perspective, what needs to be true for them to have a great experience?

3. What kind of messages do you reinforce at home about competition, success, and setbacks?

4. What do you see as the ideal balance between supporting them and allowing them to take full ownership of their journey?

5. If you could change one thing about how they approach their sport, what would it be and why?

6. What is the biggest lesson you hope they take away from this athletic experience, regardless of results?

7. When were you most proud of them - in or out of a sports context?

8. What would you like to know about me to better understand my coaching philosophy or our program?

9. When they are unhappy with a coaching decision and vent to you, how do you typically reply?

10. How do you view your child’s role on the team, and how do you expect it to evolve over time?

I’ll never forget the moment I heard someone say, “If you don’t get the best recruit, they might beat you once or twice a year. But if you get the wrong kid, they’ll beat you every day.” Here are a few questions you can ask potential student-athletes to get a sense of who they are and if they’re the right fit for your program.

1. What’s one thing about you that most people don’t know that is important to who you are?

2. In your sport experience, what is your coach responsible for, and what are you responsible for?

3. What expectations do you have for your experience as part of our program?

4. What personal values do you live by, and how do they influence your approach to sports and life?

5. If you had to pick one thing that separates great athletes from good ones, what would it be?

6. Describe your ideal teammate - what qualities do they exhibit and what do you appreciate about them?

7. What has a coach said to you that you’ve never forgotten?

8. What would you like me to know about you to better understand who you are and how to best coach you?

9. If you could change one thing about the way coaches and athletes communicate, what would it be?

10. How would your current coaches and teammates describe you?

Awareness is a prerequisite for change. Here are 10 questions coaches can ask themselves at the end of their season (or throughout the season!) to better align with their integrity.

1. When did I prioritize short-term success over long-term athlete development?

2. Was I consistent in holding myself accountable to the same standards I set for our athletes?

3. What feedback from athletes, parents, or administrators did I find most challenging or unfair? What can I learn from what triggers me?

4. Which athlete did I find most challenging to coach, and how can I create greater ease for both of us moving forward?

5. How open was I to admitting mistakes or adjusting my approach when something wasn’t working?

6. What conversation didn’t I have with our team that would be beneficial to have in the future?

7. What tough conversations did I avoid this season that I need to address moving forward?

8. If I were to ask our athletes what it’s like to be coached by me, what would they likely say?

9. Was our team environment one where athletes felt safe expressing concerns or frustrations?

10. What pressures do I feel and how is that pressure reflected in the experience I create for our team?

Please share these questions with anyone who may benefit from them, and let me know what kinds of questions you’d like to see more of in the future!

WATCH

Watch as I explain the The Three W’s exercise and share how you can use these questions in a variety of contexts. Take it and make it yours!

LISTEN

In this episode of The Coaching Culture Podcast, JP Nerbun and Betsy Butterick dive deep into the challenges coaches face in navigating a culture of fear and overprotection. They explore the rise of CYA (cover your a**) coaching and discuss the impact on both coaches and athletes.

JP and Betsy offer practical strategies for coaches to:

• Proactively address potential issues

• Set clear expectations with athletes and parents

• Develop strong communication skills within their teams

• Protect their own well-being while fostering a positive and transformative athletic experience.

THINK

“Good questions inform, great questions transform.”
- Ken Coleman

With Gratitude,

:) Betsy