One Thing That Can Save Your Job
In any collaborative environment it is critically important to set clear expectations and create shared understanding. Here's how to do it...
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I love speaking with people from different countries because the dialects and accents add an element of complexity and richness to the conversation. My friend Chico is from Brazil and in a recent coaching conversation he said, “We have a saying in Portuguese, “O combinado nao sai caro.’ which means, ‘The agreed upon is never expensive’.”
In any collaborative environment - and especially for coaches in today’s sports landscape - it is critically important to set clear expectations and create shared understanding. While the agreed-upon is never expensive, failing to clearly set expectations is currently costing coaches their jobs.
As people, we can’t expect what we don’t express, and yet we do it all the time.
One of the more striking examples of a time when this occurred between a coach and their team began as an excited phone call. A former coaching client called to let me know that recruiting had gone well and they finally had the missing talent pieces. “Bets, this is the year we could really win it all!” he said.
“That’s exciting!” I replied, “Is that what your players want?”
There was a confused silence on the other end of the line.
“What do you mean?” he asked. “Why wouldn’t they want to win a National Championship?”
I offered that while every player on his team would likely enjoy winning a Natty, I wasn’t sure if every player was fully bought into what it would take to make that happen. “When I asked if that’s what your players want, I meant do they want to do the work it will take to win it all? Do they understand the expectations that come with that level of pursuit?”
There was more silence. Finally, the coach said, “I don’t know. I mean, I hope they chose to come here because they want to give that level of commitment, but the truth is I’ve never asked.”
Despite having the talent, the team didn’t win the championship that year and it came out in the exit interviews that players had chosen the program for other reasons (the school offered their desired major, geographic location,) and not everyone was interested in making the sacrifices needed to prioritize their collegiate life around what it would take to win a Natty.
Historically, the conversation on athletic teams about expectations has largely been a monologue with the coach telling incoming athletes what to expect as part of the program. As more coaches lean into transformational coaching practices the conversation needs to evolve to include elements of co-creation, and to include an athlete’s parents as well.
I recognize the parent’s piece may be an unpopular opinion, but I’ve watched parents get coaches fired when their unspoken expectations were not met or exceeded, so it benefits us to include them in the conversation.
Below are a few key elements I recommend coaches ask or share in a few different scenarios,
Prior to Becoming Part of Your Program
Questions for the Athlete:
In your sport experience, what is your coach responsible for and what are you responsible for?
What expectations do you have for your experience as part of our program?
Questions for the Athlete’s Parents:
From your perspective, what needs to be true for [athlete’s name] to have a great experience?
What is the biggest lesson you hope they take away from this experience, regardless of results?
While Actively Part of Your Program
With the Athletes:
Here is what you can expect of me as your coach…
What expectations do you have of me as your coach that I haven’t addressed?
Here is what I as a coach expect of you as a member of this team…
What expectations do we need to discuss to create a shared understanding of what’s expected as part of this program?
With the Athlete’s Parents:
Here is what your athlete can expect of me as their coach…
Here is what I as a coach expect of the athletes in our program…
As a parent, here is what you can expect of me as your child’s coach…
As your child’s coach, here is what I expect of the parents in our program…
What expectations do we need to discuss to create a shared understanding and an optimal environment for your athlete’s growth and development?
A Question to Ask Athletes at the End of Every Individual Meeting:
Given what we talked about today, what are your expectations moving forward?
Reflection Questions for You as a Coach:
Are there expectations that you have of athletes or parents that you have yet to clearly express?
Do you plan to clarify your expectations in written form, during a conversation, or by using a combination of both?
Clarifying expectations closes the “expectation gap” and serves to minimize frustration while optimizing understanding and collaboration. To learn more about the expectation gap and its relationship to happiness and fulfillment, check out the WATCH section below.
Thanks for reading, and please share with anyone you feel may benefit from this post.
WATCH
In this entertaining presentation, Nat Ware, an economist, entrepreneur, and international development specialist, talks about the expectation gap. He suggests that the expectation gap – the gap between our expectations and reality – is a key reason we’re unhappy. “The first step to being happy is to understand why we’re often unhappy,”
LISTEN
In this episode of the Coaching Culture Podcast, I join JP Nerbun, and Nate Sanderson to explore the tension between radical responsibility and empowering others. “This episode isn't just about strategies; it's about a profound shift in mindset. It reminds us that leadership is not a solitary endeavor, but a collaborative journey where shared ownership creates a more robust and resilient team.”
THINK
“The Four Agreements 1. Be impeccable with your word. 2. Don’t take anything personally. 3. Don’t make assumptions. 4. Always do your best.” –Miguel Angel Ruiz
With Gratitude,
:) Betsy